ASAP News
An ode to the Academy
I'm angry
I'm angry I feel captured
I'm angry I feel fractured
I'm angry
I'm angry
I'm fragile
My nerves exposed
I myself exhausted
Numbed down
Burned out
I myself exhausted
Numbed down
Burned out
22 years of school have completely worn me out
And now I have PTSD, only the slightest notion of 'have to' and I OD
Just from sitting in class
Like a good lass
While I suffer the crime
Just from sitting in class
Like a good lass
While I suffer the crime
Of the fragmented time that chimes away my creativity
My authenticy, forced again and again to forge itself to another's will
I will not more
My authenticy, forced again and again to forge itself to another's will
I will not more
I can't keep pretending with the little I've left for defending
I resist
I give up
I resist
I give up
I know it's time to untether my creativity again
Getting back together the sense of me again
But how do I know which story I want to write
.. when always one is being dictated to me?
.. when always one is being constructed for me?
Getting back together the sense of me again
But how do I know which story I want to write
.. when always one is being dictated to me?
.. when always one is being constructed for me?
I've been conducted
to make myself smaller
Easier to endure
Jamina, please keep quiet, came from all directions
No, not like that, not like that, ONLY like that
Jamina please be smaller
Jamina please be smaller
Easier to handle, easier to mold
No, not like that, not like that, ONLY like that
to make myself smaller
Easier to endure
Jamina, please keep quiet, came from all directions
No, not like that, not like that, ONLY like that
Jamina please be smaller
Jamina please be smaller
Easier to handle, easier to mold
No, not like that, not like that, ONLY like that
All of my energy canalised to the requirements of the academy, to only that which they inquire
But the greater the energy you try to cram through a small passage way, the greater the explosion
And this is my explosion
But the greater the energy you try to cram through a small passage way, the greater the explosion
And this is my explosion
And not a single institutionalised environment helps me learning
To deal with this volcano that is churning
Without wanting or controlling its constant overflowing
To deal with this volcano that is churning
Without wanting or controlling its constant overflowing
Afraid of creativity that paves its own way
Afraid of authenticity that has its own say
Afraid of authenticity that has its own say
Afraid
So afraid
So afraid
...
And I am too
I'm holding in too
Fuck I numb myself too
It's true, I often have no clue what to do with what is new
I'm holding in too
Fuck I numb myself too
It's true, I often have no clue what to do with what is new
And it's my job to learn how to deal with that, but I hoped for just a little more outside help
I have accepted that won't come
Society has not yet managed to learn
To positively stimulate my greatest yearn
And that's forgiven
Society has not yet managed to learn
To positively stimulate my greatest yearn
And that's forgiven
I also just have to start living
Learn to work with what is given
Allow myself to give in
Learn to work with what is given
Allow myself to give in
But if you'd still like to offer a helping hand to mine
There's only one thing to which I incline
And that is time
There's only one thing to which I incline
And that is time
For a fragile mind
That most of all just wants to find
The freedom she has been declined
© Jamina Inanna Lasseel
That most of all just wants to find
The freedom she has been declined
© Jamina Inanna Lasseel
After her studies in Amsterdam, Jamina swore she never wanted anything to do with academia again. But that turned out differently. Jamina performed this poem during the Open Mic during Pilar ASAP - Order to Disorder Edition on Wednesday October 19th.
Thanks to SpeakEasy Brussels and Bib Sans Souci for organizing this evening.
Thanks to SpeakEasy Brussels and Bib Sans Souci for organizing this evening.
Written by Jamina Inanna Lasseel
Jamina is a master's student in Philosophy at the VUB, but she prefers to express her personal viewpoint through spoken word. Image and video material can be found on Instagram under @jamina_inanna.
25 October 2022
Related articles
